"AS A WOMAN I WAS TAUGHT TO ALWAYS BE HUNGRY"

I was going to follow some sort of format/structure but decided to throw that out since it impedes my writing process! This blog is about culture and whatever so that gives me free reign to jump from topic to topic.

I am a fan of one particular album by Mos Def entitled “Black on Both Sides.” It’s smart music, I like what Mos Def has to say. Check it out. One of my favorite songs is “Know That,” which features both Mos Def and Talib Kweli. In one instance, Talib Kweli declares, “I follow the code of honor like a real man gonna, Never disrespect no women cause I love my momma.”

Wow. I LOVE IT. It’s a very positive message from a talented artist and I think that many men in my community would do well to heed that message.

Which brings me to my next topic: violence, particularly violence against women…violence against Indigenous women. It’s a problem in my community just as it is in various other Indigenous communities worldwide.

At my job in the Maniilaq Health Center in Kotzebue I see various posters tacked around the hospital that discuss domestic violence. Well, they sort of discuss domestic violence. I don’t really like the posters because they skirt around the issue. They basically say “is someone hurting you? We can help.” Okay…that’s a start but I wonder, why don’t they just come out and say that domestic violence is wrong? It is wrong, it is hurtful and it needs to stop. I say this because one woman, who had been in abusive relationships before, had admitted to me that she didn’t know it was wrong, nobody had told her.

In my younger, angrier days, I used to listen to Bikini Kill. I listened to them a lot. It was bad-ass music. One particular song always struck a chord with me, that song was “Feels Blind.“ In one part, Kathleen Hanna belts out “As a woman I was taught to always be hungry. Yeah, women are well-acquainted with thirst. Well, I could eat just about anything. We might even eat your hate up like love.” It resonated with me because that is how I feel about my culture…at times…in general. In general, my culture is misogynistic and although it is hard to admit, it is true. Women are abused and they accept it and we accept it. It is an accepted part of reality.

It breaks my heart and angers me when I see battered women. Some of them are my friends and family members. As a friend and family member, what am I to do? It’s a complicated situation because you can’t really tell the woman what to do and you know that ultimately it is her choice to remain in an abusive relationship but at the same time you know it’s such an unhealthy situation!

This is something I struggle with and I am still finding my own voice. I’m not into policy, I’m more interested in what I can do on a personal level…and I’m still at a loss.

A BRIEF INTRODUCTION TO NIQIPIAQ

I LOVE niqipiaq! If I could live off of it I would. Growing up in Kotzebue, the staples of our diet included: 

Oogruk – bearded seal

Seal oil – blubber from oogruk that is rendered into oil

Black meat - meat from oogruk. I don’t know the Inupiaq word for black meat, we always called it black meat because, well, it’s black

Panaqtuq - dried meat, be it fish or caribou

Black meat hanging on the top left, trout and whitefish hanging in the middle

Caribou – often in soup or roasted

Muktuk - the skin and blubber from the bowhead whale and beluga

  

Qauq  - meat that is raw but frozen, it includes fish and caribou

Ukpiks (salmonberries), blueberries, blackberries

Duck

And of course, Sailor Boy crackers! Sailor Boys aren't traditional Inupiaq food but we love 'em. They are Inupiaq soul food. You could eat them with anything - butter, mayonnaise and pepper, peanut butter and honey, and my personal favorite: toasted crackers with butter and salt.

When you live in the city, the most readily available foods are seal oil, black meat, panaqtuq, ukpiks, and caribou (and did you know, it's almost impossible to find Sailor Boys in the States?) On occasion we had muktuk but that was  mostly a treat. These foods can be frozen for a long time without spoiling and are easy to transport.

When you’re low on black meat, panaqtuq or muktuk, you can always eat seal oil with other things! We often ate it with carrots and apples and even that was fulfilling. We still keep a jar in the freezer and when we are hungry for niqipiaq we take it out and scrounge around the refrigerator for some carrots or apples. 

Whether in the city or village, eating niqipiaq is a bonding moment. You gather together with friends and family and enjoy it. We sit at the table and eat and talk, with the television off, mind you. Then we finish it off with tea and crackers - you must always finish it off with tea and crackers! 

  

My mom and I often eat niqipiaq at the table and it strengthens our relationship. That's what food should be about! Nourishing your body and spirit and familial relations. 

HOMESICKNESS

Homesickness is those aches and pains of wanting so badly to go home but not being able to. It is longing for home, family and familiar surroundings. It is that sense of alienation and feeling like an outsider. 

The hardest part of being homesick is that there is nothing you can do to make it go away quickly! Nothing you do makes it any easier and you just have to go about daily life as usual.  That was very difficult– doing normal, quotidian things all the while knowing that you weren’t home. It was like a painful awareness of being – walking to school, sitting in class, lying in bed at night – all normal but painful activities.

My mom shared with me that she was so homesick at times and missed our food so much that she ate the closest things she could find: frozen beef and vegetable oil. We eat qauq – raw, frozen meat, be it caribou or fish (yes raw, but it is frozen and can only be eaten when frozen). We often eat this with seal oil. My mom found the closest thing and tried it. Of course, it was not the same thing! But she did what she had to do to combat homesickness.

Homesickness is very painful but I don’t see it as something to avoid. I think everyone should feel it at least once in their lifetime. It prepares you for the outside world and it makes you appreciate home. I’ve met some individuals from the villages who want to go to school in the city but end up going back home because of homesickness and inability to adjust to urban life. I understand being homesick but there are a multitude of opportunities out there that can benefit people and their communities: education, job training and job opportunities. Plus, being away from home opens your eyes to the problems and issues that trouble your community; things that otherwise go unnoticed or unaddressed.