AFTER 25+ YEARS, I GO BACK HOME

Aerial view of Kivalina. A bit hard to see but you get the idea.

I just returned from a week-long trip to Kivalina, Alaska. My dad is from Kivalina and all of my paternal relatives live there. Kivalina is a tiny village located approx 80 miles north of Kotzebue. In the summer you can travel between Kivalina and Kotzebue via boat and in the winter, some travel by snowmachine. Otherwise, you can fly with local airlines such as Bering Air or Ravn. There are roughly 400 residents in this whaling community. Kivalina still lacks running water (although most people have Dish network) and very few people have cars - most have four-wheelers and/or snowmachines. A lot of the people, including my grandparents, carry on our Inupiaq traditions and continue to whale, hunt and fish. I would argue that they must to rely on our traditions, considering that jobs are scarce and store-bought food is limited in choice and very expensive. 

Whale bones of the whale my aapa caught in the 90s.

As a very young child I would often travel to Kivalina to spend time with my relatives. I have a few memories of it, most of which revolve around my grandparent’s house, playing in the sand and the beach and playing with my cousin Eric, who was more like a brother to me. Last September was my first time visiting Kivalina in approx 27 years. This year was my second visit.

Initially I felt apprehensive about going back because I didn’t know what to expect. I hadn’t seen some of my relatives since I had stopped visiting some 25+ years ago and I was nervous to see them again. I worried that I would be uncomfortable and homesick. I worried that I wouldn’t belong; that I would feel like an outsider, a stranger. I had grown up mostly in the city and felt that I would be different from everybody.

In reality, I did experience a lot of these things. I often felt like a stranger because I had forgotten what town had looked like. I had very little recollection of the people who lived there. I felt lost among my numerous family members, especially my cousins, because I couldn’t remember their names and had only met them once or twice before. The thought of reconnecting with relatives and rebuilding our relationships seemed daunting and overwhelming.

Playing a game, something like "Traffic Jam"

And yet, despite all my apprehensions and reservations, I am happy that I went back. The people are very warm and welcoming and friendly. People I barely know come up to me and hug me and say “Welcome.” The children are very curious and ask a lot of questions: “What’s your name? Where are you from? Who is your mom/sister etc etc etc?” And they remember, even a year later.

My first day back I attended church, namely the Episcopal church. My family in Kotzebue has a tradition of attending the Friends Church but my aaqa is a member of the Episcopal church. I remember going to church with her as a child and feeling nostalgic, I wanted to go again.

The wanted to show me their human pyramid

I am used to the anonymity of living in the city and so I believed, erroneously, that I wouldn’t be recognized. Church members recognized me and one other visitor and as per custom, they went up and sang a song for its visitors. One lady welcomed me and called me - guess what - “Iglaaq.” I immediately thought of my blog after she said that and in a way, it pleased me. The way she said it made me feel welcomed and acknowledged.

I have learned that Kivalina people are wonderful singers and I enjoy listening to and singing with them. They sang an old song, “When the Roll is Called Up Yonder,” accompanied by their guitarists. I thoroughly enjoyed their performance and at the end, the musicians stopped playing and the group sang in Inupiaq, their voices filling the church. It gave me goosebumps and I felt proud at that moment. Proud to have been acknowledged, proud that they would perform for us, and proud because I come from that community.

And so I see a transition in the meaning of my blog from - traveler, stranger - to guest. But not just a guest, a welcomed guest. My experiences going back home have been fresh in my mind and I cannot wait to return. It’s funny how things having a way of coming full circle; at least, that’s how I see it. I always knew that I would return back home but I didn’t know how or when. I also didn’t anticipate it being so rewarding.