YOUR "AUTHENTIC SELF" AND VULNERABILITY

Yesterday I talked about mindfulness and left off with the idea of  "authentic self." I like this idea of "authentic self." What does it mean to be your authentic self? At the very heart of it, being your authentic self means embracing your own vulnerability.

In one of my classes we watched at TED Talks video of Brene Brown, who is a scholar, researcher and social worker. Specifically, she researches vulnerability, guilt and shame, and connection. I love her mind and the way she thinks - she is analytical, insightful, intellectual and spiritual. If you want to check out the video click on this link:

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en#t-193056

So, Brown mentions that connections give purpose and meaning to our lives. Unless you're a recluse or have some sort of pathological condition, we all want and need to feel connected to others. This makes perfect sense because when you think about it, our lives are built around relationships - relationships with our parents, families, friends, romantic partners, and if you're in the majority, relationship with a higher power, whatever that may be.

Well, as Brown stated, in order for connections to happen we must allow ourselves, our real selves, our authentic selves, to be seen. We must be willing to embrace our own vulnerability.

VULNERABILITY. If you're like me, vulnerability was always a scary concept. I didn't like feeling vulnerable, it felt too exposed. It made me feel defenseless. When you're vulnerable you risk getting hurt. Granted, embracing an "invulnerable" identity protects you from getting hurt but it also blocks out the good stuff!

Brown mentioned that at the heart of vulnerability are two things: 1) courage - the courage to be imperfect 2) compassion - the compassion to be kind to ourselves in order to be compassionate to others. We must have the courage to tell our real stories and we must be willing to present our imperfect selves. For those who have struggled with perfection and acceptance, this realization can be very liberating!

By embracing our own vulnerability can we than make true connections. "Connection as a result of authenticity." So what does embracing vulnerability mean in real life? It means having the willingness to say "I love you" first, it means doing something without guarantees, it means willing to invest fully in a relationship that may go nowhere. It means putting yourself out there, presenting your imperfect, authentic self and opening up to the possibility of getting hurt.

Oh but nobody wants to get hurt right? In my previous post I talked about mindfulness as being aware of your emotions and feelings; as not running away from them but embracing them. Being aware of your feelings would allow you to perceive your thoughts as just thoughts and not as reality. So perhaps this is where mindfulness can come in to help ease some of that emotional pain/discomfort that you may experience.

Let's say you put yourself out there and got rejected. I chose rejection in particular because it's something I've tried to avoid at all costs in my past life. Rejection, to me, felt like the end of the world.Yes, it would hurt and my initial reaction would be to numb or avoid these feelings. But if I am able to step back and observe my emotions as emotions and not reality, I just realize that although I feel rejected, I am still worthy.

Brene Brown's quote nails it on the head "You are imperfect and you are wired for struggle; but you are worthy of love and belonging."

I am only recently learning to embrace my vulnerability but so far, it has been so liberating. It's lonely living in your own isolated world, invulnerable to the pains and hurts of this world. As I mentioned before, you protect yourself from getting hurt but you block out joy, acceptance and belonging too. I find that as I expose more of my authentic self to the world - the more connections I make with people. Totally worth it!